Audition Script for "So, What's with Eliot?"

What follows is a cutting from one of the plays I wrote which will be produced in "Benchwarmers VII" at the Santa Fe Playhouse in late January through most of February. This cutting was used for auditions for the play.

SO, WHAT’S WITH ELIOT?

Cast of Characters

The Director: Male or female, has a seat in the front row center of the audience.
Phil: A young man dressed very Santa Fe. Phil is very New Age.
Ron: Older than Phil, dressed well, in a way that distances him from others.
Harry Somewhat shabbily dressed.
Ernest V-neck sweater over a white shirt. Slacks.
Eliot: Middle aged man, dressed simply. Has just learned that he has cancer.

SETTING: Phil is auditioning for an lib part with Eliot, who is about to reveal to Phil what is distressing him. After the first two scripted lines, they are on their own (only they follow THIS script).


ELIOT
I just got the news today.

PHIL
You just got the news today?

PHIL and ELIOT drop their scripts and appear to be on their own from here on.

ELIOT (Tentative)
Yeh, I’ve got. . . I’m. . . cancer.

PHIL
Oh, no! Really?

ELIOT
Yeh, really. Cancer.

PHIL
Bummer. Major Bummer.

ELIOT
You can say that again. . .

PHIL
Bummer. Major Bu. . .

ELIOT
That’s not what I meant.

PHIL
Hey, I’m sorry. I know something about what you mean. It’s hard. It’s got to be hard. That’s been one of the hardest things I, personally, have gone through.

ELIOT
You’ve been through this?

PHIL
Yeah! I’ve been through this. Big time. All my life I’ve been dealing with this. So I know what you’re going through. But with me, it wasn’t cancer: it was Capricorn.

ELIOT
Capricorn?

PHIL
Yeah. It’s this way: it’s like everything about me is Aquarius. I’m talking deeply Aquarius here. I should have been Aquarius, but I couldn’t move my December birthday. So all through my life there has been this awful conflict -- what you called “major bummer” -- between who I am as a person – definitely Aquarius – and who I am in the technical, surface sense – Capricorn. So when you tell me that you’re dealing with Cancer, I know just what you’re feeling. I’m with you, Buddy. 100%.

ELIOT
(feeling distressed, angry)
You don’t understand. . .

PHIL
I don’t understand?

ELIOT
You don’t understand. . . .I’ve got cancer in my body!
(Phil moves further away from Eliot)