Body and Soul – A Play in One Act by Thomas B. Woodward
A cutting from Scene #1 for use as an audition script:
The Play: Body and Soul begins with two gay men. Then, as the conversation between them reaches a critical point, the two take a break -- and when they return to the stage to continue the conversation, one of the male characters has been replaced by an identically dressed woman and the conversation continues, though as a heterosexual dialogue. Again, the dialogue reaches a breaking point and the two take a break (for cell phones) – and when they return to the stage to continue the conversation, the remaining male has been replaced with an identically dressed woman and the conversation is resolved by the two lesbian women. The play is largely comic, though with strong and direct confrontations between the characters.
SETTING – BILL has sat down on a park bench and is beginning to hit on HARRY, a stranger, for some kind of sexual relationship. BILL has just told HARRY that he has been tossed out of his gay relationship because his partner had converted to a fundamentalist Christian group which had convinced him the relationship was evil.
BILL Yeah. So here I am. It's my birthday and I'm out here all alone and nowhere to go.
HARRY That's awful!
BILL I'm sorry, what did you say?
HARRY I said, that's awful. That's really awful.
BILL Oh, thank you.(moving closer to HARRY) You really are nice.
HARRY No, not really.
BILL No, really. You are very, very nice. In fact, I am beginning to feel a really deep connection with you.
HARRY You're feeling a really deep connection with me?
BILL Yes, I think something really important is happening between the two of us.
HARRY You "think there is something. . . ?" Are you hitting on me?
BILL Am I hitting on you? Do you mean spiritually . . .or sexually?
HARRY I don't know which would be worse.
BILL I'm sorry. I really don't want to offend you. But guess what?! It just occurred to me -- this may be our first argument!
HARRY (moving away from BILL) "Our?" "Our first argument?" Are you out of your frigging mind? There is no "our" here.
BILL Oh, damn! I'm sorry. I'm really sorry. I've been under so much stress lately and you are so kind and understanding. And despite all that stuff with Larry, I feel like I've been saving myself for someone. . .(softly)someone exactly like you.
HARRY Wait! Wait! Wait. All this talk about a "really deep connection" with me and saving yourself for "someone exactly like me." Haven't I heard those lines before?
BILL (Evasively) Maybe.
HARRY "Maybe what?" Where have I heard those lines before?
BILL I got them from the Dr. Phil Show.
HARRY You got them from Dr. Phil?
BILL Yeh, Dr. Phil.
HARRY Then why don't you leave me alone and try your shtick on some guy who looks like Dr. Phil?
THE PLAY CONTINUES. . . . .